Every time Tamara Hargrove speaks with her son from the other side of the world, there's one unbreakable rule.

And that's no crying.

No exceptions.

Tamara awakes to a 4 a.m. phone call most every day from her son, Asher, serving in the Army as Military Police in South Korea. It’s 6 p.m. his time. She starts every conversation by asking him how his day was. They talk about the food he’s enjoying (namely Korean barbecue). Whether or not he’s made an arrest that day. And the activities he’s looking forward to in the days ahead, like a Frisbee golf tournament quickly approaching. She misses him greatly, but knows she must remain strong and positive, as to not distract him from his mission at hand.

“There are times when I miss him dearly and can’t wait for him to get back to the States,” Tamara said. “But in the same sense, what an opportunity to live in another country halfway around the world. I want him to have that experience.”

So Tamara remains audibly upbeat, and she pulls her emotions aside. She savors every moment of the 5-minute or so conversation, and then they hang up until tomorrow. In the time between those early morning calls, Tamara spends her waking moments covered in both pride and patriotism for what her son – and every other person serving in the military – chooses to do every day.

The military is her passion. It has her heart. She’s involved in numerous military-related organizations. Every Christmas, she visits the North Little Rock Veteran’s Cemetery to put wreaths on the tombstones. She has has a couple of friends buried there, so when she visits she puts a penny on their gravestone, which lets the deceased military member’s family know that someone has visited that grave to pay his or her respects. 

She was even asked recently to start up a Blue Star Mothers of America Chapter in Arkansas. This nonprofit provides support for mothers who have sons or daughters in active service in the U.S. Armed Forces.

Memorial Day, to Tamara, is much more than barbecues or lake days or just a day away from work. It’s important to her that people remember that.

“The day, to me, represents people who have given themselves to their country and never thought twice about doing it,” Tamara said.

Covered as a Military ‘Family’

Tamara’s father served in the Navy, and with that came several moves and a truly unique upbringing. She started out in Southern California, right along the Mexican border. A few years later, they moved to the remote island of Adak in the Bering Sea, where she spent several of her childhood years.

“We were actually closer to Russia than the United States there,” Tamara said. “If the plane did not come in with food for the commissary for whatever reason, then it was powdered eggs, powdered milk and whatever you caught out of the ocean.”

Which, on a given meal, could be King Crab or Halibut or any other variety of fresh fish. As kids, they hiked up the tundra and through the waterfalls taking in eagles, sea otters – “All the good stuff,” Tamara says. It was an unusual, but equally exhilarating place to grow up.

The family eventually moved to Mississippi, and later to Arkansas where her grandparents lived. But all the while, the fellow military families that surrounded Tamara growing up became their own. In a strange way, the other families just "got it" in ways that others didn't. It was easier to relate.

“A lot of times during holidays, we weren’t around family, it was just us. Grandparents were far away, you couldn’t afford to travel back then, much less fly to a remote island,” Tamara said. “Really, being in the military, the people around you became your own family. You joined forces with them.”

Covered in Positivity

Tamara recalls the very day that her son shared his desire to go to the military.

“It was an out of the blue decision,” Tamara said. “We had college visits planned, we thought he was going to go this route …. It really threw me for a loop.”

But after he was sworn in, she’ll never forget what he said.

“He said ‘mom, now I feel like I have a purpose,’” Tamara said. “As heartbroken as I was, I couldn’t possibly deny him that.”

When Asher left for basic training, the second time he called, his mother was crying. His response? 'Mom you cannot cry on the phone because you will get me into trouble.’ She's obliged ever since. 

And then came the pandemic.

“It’s scary because you can’t just fly over there, you worry all the time, and with this pandemic , you just worry even more. At one point, there was a scare that one of his patrol partners had the virus. The thought that he would have gotten sick as well, be in the hospital and not have anyone there its heartbreaking."

But as a mother, Tamara understands better than anyone: There is great respect and dignity and honor in her son's duties. And, you’ve got to stay positive.

Covered in Patriotism

Tamara’s not sure what she will do for Memorial Day this year. But the self-described “full blown military cheerleader mama” has red, white, and blue ribbons draped on her porch. A yellow ribbon around a tree. And a green light shining on her porch to signify that there is somebody currently serving in the military at her residence.

She’ll likely talk to her son for a few fleeting moments. She'll reflect on her military families of past, those who have made the ultimate sacrifice, and those serving all around the word right now. Tamara stands as proudly as ever in her support for the military. And she hopes that others will stop and do the same.

If even for a few fleeting moments.

“The fact that either they themselves or a family member of their’s is out there serving the country means everything,” Tamara said. “They are selfless. They are willing to put themselves on the front line and protect people that they don’t know.”

And with that, Tamara does the one thing she can’t do when she’s on the phone with her son. She sheds a tear.